There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize