And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
