OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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