Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
