Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
