Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
