Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
