I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
