then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
A+ Viking dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
