i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
