we're chasing vodka with high fives
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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