So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
