I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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