I bet he comes in French.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize