You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
