I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
