I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
