Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize