:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
