I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i think im in europe. pls send help
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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