Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
