Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
