i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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