I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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