turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
