Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize