he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
