The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
