I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
