I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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