I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
