been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am one with the molecules
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize