fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize