My sheets look like a crime scene.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
