He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
