i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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