I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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