I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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