I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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