My pussy is not your playground.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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