I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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