TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
