the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
