I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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