Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
