I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
