Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
