I want to stick my p in your. b.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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