Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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