i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
