things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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