i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
