Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's great music for shaving your balls
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
