my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
