I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to align my fucking chakras
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize