the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
