Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
