he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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