I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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