I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
