First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
