drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
