like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
