Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
