or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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