Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
