He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
