There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
