EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize