oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
