2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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