Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
