They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
