i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
