def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
