Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
