I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize