Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
