how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
