4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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