I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
