If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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