we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
