He is such a slut. More and more my type.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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